SO. FUCKING. LAME.

Have you ever been forgotten about? Has anyone ever just said that they want you to just leave them alone? Have you ever given your heart and soul, mind and body to someone only to be crushed?

Well thats essentially what has happened to me, and you know what? I actually think that it is kind of funny. I mean beneath all of this bullshit and pain that I feel right now, I actually think it is funny. I told her I would always be there, and I really meant it. Even when I broke up with her, a little piece of me was still there with her, hoping she was safe, hoping she was happy. But when it all came down to it, she just decided to forget about me. And there is the humor, Im upset because after I broke up with HER, I am sad to find that she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.

It makes me sad, I feel more than a little crushed, and now I really dont know what I am going to do. So, I think I will attempt to make a little list right here.

1. Work just as hard to forget about Janina as she did to forget about me. I know this sounds a little vindictive, but thats what she told me tumblr: “if you had just done things the way I did you wouldnt be having this problem”

2. Start making that money! Angels stadium, Wells Fargo, and medicine deliverys, thats what will be consuming much of my time soon, and I welcome it wholeheartedly.

3. Quit the fucking WF. Fuck that place.

4. Start summer session and continue taking steps to get out of here.

5. Join the swim team and get super fit so I can not be a lame sedentary person.

6. Save all the money I can so I can go on trips around the globe!

Well, know that I look at it, Ive got quite a few things I should be doing dont I? Really, I was just concerned about losing Janina, and I really don’t know why. We were together for a long time, and looking back, much of that time was spent being unhappy with what we had. And I was fine immediately after we gave it up, but with my moms health scare, I think I realized that I didnt have anything permanent outside of Janina, and it started to freak me out. dont get me wrong, I cared, deeply about Janina, thats never what I was unhappy with. I was always unhappy with the situation. I could rarely see her, and I was only able to start hanging out with her after 12 once she was 22 freaking years old! There were a lot of problems there, this I know to be true. I just wish I didn’t have this feeling that Im losing my best friend. I really hope that once things start to settle down a little bit more, that we can start talking again, but as for right now, shits just getting too emotionally charged. Im losing the point I want to make because all of these stupid feelings keep getting in the way.

But its over, 2009 was complete bullshit, and 2010 is starting to look up! I know that I can take on whatever it is that confronts me, because I will not be walked on, pushed over, or shoved aside, I am man hear me roar!