Part of me hopes youll read this but i know you never will.

Today was alright, not any better than any other day has been lately. I woke up, once again facing the realization that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. This recurring revelation has been hitting me in the face like a cold bucket of ice water, always shocking, rarely pleasant, and usually one time is enough. However, I just can’t seem to make myself forget about her, I don’t know how. I think its because I really dont want to. Shes not here anymore, so all I have are memories. Its really like I am dealing with a death. Except, the loved one I lost is still here, they just want nothing to do with me.

Thank God for my friends. They are the only thing keeping me afloat. And in the next few weeks, I should start doing angels stadium for toro sushi. And its just a couple more monts until summer school starts, I should be doing swim team by then as well. I guess the only way to push her out is to force myself to make new memories, and put her far away. Lock what we had deep inside my heart, in a place that no one will ever touch but her. No matter how much it hurts. Even as Im writing this I am on the verge of tears. Something that has been a daily occurance for almost aweek now.

Why does progress have to be so slow going?!?!? UGHHHHH!!!!!